Why Are We Always At CostCo?

I was in the bathroom and ran out of toilet paper. My brother was reading comics in the next room.

BRIAN: Dude? I’m out of toilet paper!
KIRBY: Oh yeah?
BRIAN: Can you pass me some from the closet?
KIRBY: How about paper towels? Would that work?
BRIAN: NO. Just hand me a roll man, I know we have some…
KIRBY: How about Q-Tips?
BRIAN: Are there a lot?

Jasper’s Car Wreck

I sent out a notice on the company email last week about the critical blood shortage at Stanford Hospital. I tried to make it not too aggressive:

Public service announcement:

Stanford Blood Bank is desperately low on O-positive and O-negative blood. If you have this blood type, or know someone who does, your community needs you!

Note I am not organising a blood drive- you don’t need to tell me you are going to go give blood! Making an appointment is easy and you can do it on their web site-


If you don’t know anything about blood, this means if you’re of type O and you’re planning to get in a big car wreck, you’d probably want to do it somewhere besides the peninsula. So this morning I get this email from this guy at the company:

Hi Brian,

I understand you’re enthusiastic about this program, but I still think this is not the appropriate forum
for announcements like this. You might want to try Craig’s list or something like that.


What an asshole!