In Which We Scrutinize Buzz Ballz

ELENA: I drank both buzz ballz
ELENA: I was definitely cran blasted
BRAIN: that is especially terrible
ELENA: yeah it was pretty awful waffle
BRAIN: “Awful Waffle” sounds like it should be another Buzz Balls flavor
MARIE: it’s the name of my kid pop/post-punk band

BRAIN: ugh “Ballz” they really spell it
ELENA: yerp
ELENA: so bad:

BRAIN: the red one is “Strawberry Rum Job”
BROLDMAN: the age-checking front page has an ENTER BUZZBALLZ button
BROLDMAN: so that’s cool
BRAIN: the containers would make pretty good electronic device parts come to think of it
ROB: this seems like a genius product

BRAIN: the blue flavor is called “overdue blue”
BRAIN: I’m not sure what they are implying
BROLDMAN: I am quite sure of it
BRAIN: since the only implication I can think of is a pregnancy test which is not positive in any way
BRAIN: are they just incompetent? That seems a plausible explanation

BROLDMAN: blue ballz. overdue. think about it
BRAIN: you are overdue to orgasm? how is that a selling point?
BRAIN: you are saying you want to buy alcohol that reminds you how you don’t have sex?
BROLDMAN: it’s a selling point because people will be like “oh I recognize the reference to a naughty thing. I should pay for this product”
BROLDMAN: reliably
BRAIN: yeah, I guess it serves a social need for removing money from people who have bad judgement

Buffalo is plural

MARK: buffalo wings are pretty popular too
MARK: and their wings are so small you can’t even really see them through the fur
SCOTT: so that’s why the american buffalo is extinct
MARK: they’re not extinct
SCOTT: shh

MARK: they’re raised in ranches
SCOTT: totally extinct
MARK: but that is why you see most of them land-bound these days
SCOTT: it was a replacement for t-rex arms
MARK: it’s sad, back in the 1600s, there were still flocks of buffalo out in what is now Nebraska
MARK: they were all gone by the early 1730s.

CLAIRE: sometimes i wish i had a time machine
CLAIRE: well, not sometimes. a lot of the time
MARK: combination of overhunting and chopping down the giant trees that could support the weight of their nests
CLAIRE: i look around sometimes and wonder what the land around me would have looked like 200, 300 years ago
SCOTT: I read about some bird whose nests are so heavy it causes the tree branches to bend down to the ground
SCOTT: Some serious Horton Hears a Who going on there
SCOTT: but with Buffalos
BRIAN: buffalo
CLAIRE: buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo

Quokka: it’s what’s for dinner

BRAIN: ok, we’re rebranding guinea pig meat to be more acceptable.  What do we call it?
WILL: short pig
WILL: in honor of the long pig, the best kind of meat
MARK: soy tofu
MARK: wait, no

MARIE: I suggested ‘petite pork’
MARK: qinoa chia combucha kale
MARK: or “qcck” for short
MARIE: not to be confused with quokka
MARIE: our next hipster new meat

BRAIN: this slim jim competitor could be named QUACK ATTACK
MARK: “contains no duck!”
MARK: to make the vegetarians happy
MARIE: “No actual pigs were harmed in the making of this product.”

SCOTT: How would you even get sufficient meat off of a quokka?
MARK: people manage it with squirrels
MARIE: People eat quail
BRAIN: chicken feet
SCOTT: fair enough
SCOTT: apparently quokkas only have a litter size of one and rear the young for over a year