JILLIAN: watch video without sound unless you like country music
BRAIN: notice that goat was essentially stolen from his previous owner
JILLIAN: i’m fine with removing animals from hoardes
JILLIAN: also hordes though; zombies and goats should not be housed together
BRAIN: it’s nice they placed the goat instead of sayâ€¦ making him into burritos
MARK: same with the donkey – glad he didn’t end up as a burroito
BRAIN: what useful thing can you make out of an old burro?
MARK: probably not food, I hear they taste like ass
GREG: this thing sucks
GREG: the woman who gave it to me in the elevator said it was a new flavor
GREG: if I see her again I’m gonna tell her “that cookie sucked ass!”
LISA: wait you took food from a stranger?!
GREG: and now I’m eating it!
BRAIN: it totally has mescaline in it!
BRAIN: and rat poison!
BRAIN: didn’t you read the poison meatballs are back!?
BRAIN: we’re gonna have to take you to the vet
GREG: if eating meatballs off the ground is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
MARIE: Lisa is eating ice cream directly out of the tub… with a fork
WILLIAM: at least she’s graduated from her universal chopsticks
JILLIAN: oh man, remember the food concoctions she would make?
JILLIAN: bowls of so many weird combinations
JILLIAN: and the chopsticks
BRIAN: did any one write them down? This could be a cookbook
BRIAN: I’m pretty serious, people love insane cookbooks, and she always eats healthy food
SCOTT: “cook” book
SCOTT: we should not be mean to Lisa
WILL: my favorite lisa recipe is
WILL: 1. put some flour in a bowl,
WILL: 2. put some water in that bowl,
WILL: 3. stir
SCOTT: I don’t think what Will just said counts as… healthy
BRIAN: …maybe if you only eat a tiny bit of it?
WILL: throw some protein powder in there and you could get prettty swole off of such a concoction
BRIAN: Lisa confirmed that was a real recipe of hers
LISA (paraphrased): I was in college, and I wanted to make pancakes. So I thought, why not take all the ingredients of pancakes, and put them in the microwave?
Then I thought, I don’t really need all these ingredients…
BRAIN: if you put that on a triangular plate and charge $50 for it you may have something
MARIE: this is a cough drop
MARIE: ow my nose hurts
BRAIN: intense isn’t it
BRAIN: the gum was worse believe it or not
MARIE: why would you pay money for this?
BRAIN: because it was black and gum and Japanese and contraband in high school
BRAIN: of course I no longer have that last excuse
MARIE: this is terrible
BRAIN: it’s an experience!
JOSH: sounds like a bad experience!
BRAIN: it’s character building!
JOSH: everything character-building is definitely a bad experience
MARIE: the things that you give me to eat are sometimes good
MARIE: always weird
BRAIN: we are explorers of the outer regions of experience!!
WILLIAM: I said this earlier but we’re about an hour away from epoch time 1400000000
BRAIN: $ date +%s
BROWN: well, that was exciting.
BRAIN: everything is different now
WILL: i’m nostalgic for the 1300000000s
BRAIN: yeah the music was so much more authentic then
WILL: *plans epic 1300000000s dance party*
WILL: this UK client puts salutations and stuff in the customer communicatinos
WILL: so the greetings are all like “Hello, MR. NIGEL FEATHERBOTTOMINGTON III ESQ OF THE FEATHERBOTTOMINGTON MANOR AND ESTATES AND PIP PIP CHEERIO WITH THE CRUMPETS”
J2: will can you please go be a writer for downton abbey
J2: you’re really wasting your talents here
WILL: i’ve never watched the show but i imagine it is exactly like that
WILL: “oh nigel, this marmite is simply smashing you must tell me which foodsellery you shimmyshammied it from” “righto, penelope. i dipdapped it from old barrister miserington down by the cobblers last fortnight”
MARIE: I mean, that is basically Jeeves & Wooster.
M: huh, we are gonna have a bunch of clients in the office tomorrow
J: i should WFH
M: ‘yes, we heard you were coming, so we had our most grumpy engineers work from home’
J: s/most grumpy engineers/engineers who have done work for any of you/
W: does this mean we should cancel wear-nothing-wednesday?
J: no, just pretend we are wearing clothes and they are the only ones who notice
ELENA: feeling like deathâ€¦ must make it to 5
ELENA: soooo close
ELENA: I should have taken a sick day
ELENA: but my plan is to go drink with friends at 5 and work is closer than my house
ELENA: I’ll be sure to order a NyQuil margarita
BROWN: you’re a machine.
MARIE: sounds healthy
BRAIN: that’s a terrible idea
BRAIN: a mojito would be a much better adaptation
BRAIN: use the mint one
ELENA: this is why we haven’t fired you yet brain
BRAIN: NyQuil mixology is just an added perk
BRAIN: ok I got it: Tequila Sunrise (use the cherry flavored NyQuil)
BRAIN: the volume is actually identical to the grenadine
BRAIN: and the OJ would mostly cover the medicinal taste
BRAIN: well and the tequila
ELENA: I’m pretty sure I’ll be kicked out of the bar for mixing NyQuil in my drink
ELENA: and my friends may think I have a serious substance abuse problem
ELENA: I’ll be sure to let you know how the intervention goes
BRAIN: that would be a pretty lame bar that kicks someone out based on their drink choices
BRAIN: you can shout “I thought this was America!”