Month: August 2008

I went to the Bawdy Caste‘s production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show screening at Lawlor Auditorium in Reno last weekend. That was insane.

There were over 7000 people there, 7500 tickets were issued. Diane was the star, playing Frank N Furter.

Being officially part of the Caste at this show was pretty wild. I sold “Tranny Packs,” little bags which hold all the props you need for the show. My pitch was increasingly aggressive:

• TRANNY PACKS!!! DAMMIT!
• EVERYTHING YOU NEED FOR THE FULL INTERACTIVE EXPERIENCE OF THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, WITH A LIST OF CUES FOR WHEN TO USE EACH THING!
• VIRGINS!! YOU NEED A TRANNY PACK! IF YOU HAVE A RED “V” ON YOUR HEAD, COME BUY A TRANNY PACK!
• YOU’LL BE GLAD LATER IF YOU BUY ONE NOW!
• WHEN THE GUY SAYS “A TOAST” WILL YOU HAVE A PIECE OF TOAST TO THROW? WELL YOU WILL IF YOU BUY ONE OF THESE TRANNY PACKS!
• EVERYTHING YOU DIDN’T KNOW TO BRING IS IN THIS LITTLE BAG! PRETEND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING!

We sold out at the front, so I went upstairs and sold the rest they had up there. When we were down to one, I grabbed Dan-O’s megaphone and shouted

“I HAVE HERE IN MY HAND THE VERY LAST TRANNY PACK IN THE ENTIRE BUILDING. I WILL START THE BIDDING AT ONE MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS! I WILL ALSO ACCEPT THREE DOLLARS.”

That same weekend the heads of the cast, Jared and Shannon, renewed their vows in their hotel room. Diane and I were part of their wedding party. Shannon’s bouquet was made of inflated condoms.

Another thing: Reno Cal-Neva totally sucks. Everyone was walking around with these big cheesey plastic margarita tubes. I wanted to be cool too, so I ordered a virgin one. They refused to make one for me. Bear in mind I’m trying to pay full price for a virgin drink which is essentially strawberry syrup, ice, and sweet and sour mix. Nope!

The bartenders were pretty obnoxious about it too. So in retaliation I grabbed all the Rocky people I could find (over 20 of them) and led them away from gambling at Cal-Neva, to go lose money at Fitzgerald’s instead. Do the math on that one, morons!

DIANE: Hey come here and check out Hannah Montana!
BRAIN: No way.
DIANE: The Electric Mayhem is on!
BRIAN: What?!
BRIAN: *watches Miley Cyrus front the Electric Mayhem*
BRIAN: Man, you guys used to be a funk band. What is this pop bullshit?! Buncha sellouts.

I WAS INTO THESE GUYS BEFORE ANYBODY MAN

Seriously, does that drumbeat sound like something Animal would play? Maybe he got into rehab or something. Burn out or sell out!

BG: I once got a friend an inflatable goat for his birthday.
BG: I wasn’t there, so I told many of our mutual friends to watch him open it,
BG: and for them to force him to open it in front of everyone.

BRAIN: Heh heh.

BG: He later told me that “he thought he’d show me” by actually …
BG: inflating and copulating with said inflatable goat.

BG: But then he felt dirty, and wanted to throw it away.
BG: But he couldn’t just throw it away, because it was inflated.
BG: And he couldn’t deflate it because it was nasty.

BG: So he took out his knife and slashed its throat.

BG: And there it was, he fucked it, slashed its throat, and put it in the dumpster.

BG: For obvious reasons, I didn’t introduce him to my cousin when he asked.

Bawdy Caste did a special showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show on Friday at Shoreline Century Cinema (not Shoreline Amphitheater!), which is weird because that theater is a muliplex that never shows Rocky. No one knows why they decided to show Rocky suddenly. Also no one knows why they decided to show it at 10pm.

Because they obviously didn’t have a home cast, Bawdy Caste stepped in and was a “guest cast.” I helped a little with costume changes.

I was thinking it would be cool to have the crew dress as kuroko, those guys in kabuki who change the sets, who wear all black with a black bag over their head so they are “invisible.”