Soccer vs Blood Bowl

WILL: i really feel like the USA could have sportsed harder today
WILL: that was a decidedly non-sportsy showing
SCOTT: not enough biting

WILL: also soccer, while not as boring as people claim, would be a lot cooler if the players weighed 350 pounds and were running around covered in pads slamming into each other at full speed

JILLIAN: also maybe if they made the ball a little more pointy
SCOTT:and used their hands
SCOTT: and stopped the clock every 2 minutes for 10 minutes or more
SCOTT: that’s not boring at all

WILL: yeah i want to combine the best of both worlds
MARK: rugby?
WILL: constant, fluid action but with more concussions and gladiatorialness
SCOTT: So basically Blood Bowl.
WILL: or the XFL
WILL: also, why the fuck is not a more popular sport?

Lana Del Rey’s “Ultraviolence” pt2

BRAIN: so did you listen to the new Lana Del Ray album?
MARIE: it didn’t grab me as much as the first one
MARIE: Born to Die is clearly the best
MARIE: I think the new one and the second one are about on par for me
BRAIN: I think Ultraviolence has a slightly different feel
MARIE: yeah, I’d agree… it feels less distinctly her style, to me
BRAIN: I don’t want her to go the way of Brett Easton Ellis and just become monotonous and irrelevant
BRAIN: I remember when Madonna was reinventing herself around the time of Dick Tracy
BRAIN: that was awkward

MARIE: Hard to imagine LDR reinventing herself
MARIE: there doesn’t seem to be a lot of there there
BRAIN: it would need an entirely new creative team
BRAIN: how do you reinvent a concept without rewriting it entirely?
MARIE: I mean, you could attempt character development
BRAIN: Lana Del Rey… gets a sidekick!
MARIE: Scrappy Doo!

Lana Dey Rey’s “Ultraviolence” pt1

MARIE: What do you think of the new Lana Del Ray album?
BRAIN: I like it
BRAIN: I think the indie press is cottoning to the fact that she’s not a real person
BRAIN: I’m like yes… can we move on now?
BRAIN: it’s been 2 years
MARIE: she was pretty clearly not a real person this whole time
BRAIN: it’s like trying to figure out why Humpty Hump has a weird nose

MARIE: she’s been giving some scary depressing interviews
BRAIN: what interviews has LDR given?
BRAIN: seems… ill advised
MARIE: this was the big one, I think

Lana Del Rey: ‘I wish I was dead already’

BRAIN: she’s right though, she’d be better off extinguished
BRAIN: more lucrative

BRAIN: maybe she and the company should stage her death
MARIE: I think she needs a bit more of a back catalog before she maxes out on that
MARIE: three albums
BRAIN: yeah maybe, but remember 2Pac released a bunch after he was dead
BRAIN: this will be much easier since she won’t really be dead

Totes Hi-Pri

WILL: oh good lord
WILL: new jargon which really kind of makes me want to vomit:
WILL: “hi-pri”
T: what does that mean?
MARK: I can only assume that’s short for “hippy princess”
J2: hippo privates

WILL: high priority
WILL: as in, “hey this issue is really hi-pri when can you fix it?”
J2: did you vom on said person
SCOTT: i don’t even know what to say to this
SCOTT: Sometimes I feel like i’m stuck in the movie They Live