Shrink-wrapped skeleton

GARY: Women should look like women; not 14 year old boys.
GARY: Curves: Sexy
GARY: Shrink-wrapped skeleton: Not Sexy
GARY: Any questions?
BRAIN: spoken like someone who has never banged a shrink-wrapped skeleton
LISA: Thank you, Gary!
GARY: Not my type, Brian. I like a meaty woman.
GARY: You have fun with those sharp edges, though
BRAIN: who said anything about women?

My Bumpersticker Joke

Q: What is a three letter word for “armed conflict?”
A: “war” ?
Q: Hey. War is not the answer.

I thought I was so clever coming up with this, but the other day I was eating lunch at a cafe with Melissa, and it went something like this:

We’re in Palo Alto Town & Country, in full view of two different cars with the bumper sticker “War is not the answer.”

BRAIN: What is a three letter word for “armed conflict?”
MELISSA: Uhm… I don’t know.
BRAIN: What.
BRAIN: Come on. Three letters.
MELISSA: Uhhhh…. no. I don’t know.
BRAIN: Come on Melissa!
MELISSA: No, I don’t know. How would I know?
BRAIN: You are ruining my joke.

Don’t Staple Records To Your Wall

BRAIN: in the name of all that is holy stop effin stapling records to your wall, it looks like a garage sale
CELESTE: funny because it’s true
SNOWDEN: But it’s so hard to staple digital downloads to my wall (whine)
SNOWDEN: and it’s still a step above crusty gym socks with female name tags.
BRAIN: going for that “serial killer chic” huh snowden
SNOWDEN: I want to give the police something to think about
SNOWDEN: should I ever get arrested.
BRAIN: yeah like “jesus, it looks like a garage sale in here”