Hard Candy

Someone needs to do a “What’s Up, Tiger Lily?”-style redub of Hard Candy.

It’s the reason I don’t see Ellen Paige movies… she’s so so bad in it, it might be just the writing, but it’s also a really smug movie that is just annoying and pointless.

I think it’s meant to be, Is he a child molester? Is he not? What is her big plan?

But wait, who fucking cares?! There’s absolutely no investment in either character. Doesn’t matter; you’ll be more interested in the victims in a slasher movie who you see naked for two minutes before they get killed by the axe-wielding maniac.

What kinda sucks is I really like the fashion-y cinematography in it. I guess I’ll just take screencaps of it for later analysis.

If you haven’t seen Hard Candy, aka “the Ellen Paige pedo movie,” picture Ellen Paige acting like a gangster rapper, and it’s not meant to be funny… now picture Ellen Paige monologing like a Bond villain as she tortures some guy, also not meant to be funny…

That is like 80% of Hard Candy.