Jake in Progress

This show is such a great example of TV being the opiate of the masses.

Alice was watching this last night, and getting her attention was like trying to talk to someone on smack. Hello, Alice? Yo! Over here!

The show is John Stamos basically being the Jerry MacGuire character, except this time, he’s in PR. He starts to flip out over how shallow his life has become. He starts looking for a real, down-home way of living. He is amazed when he can buy ten pounds of cashews at the store for cheap. He is charmed by the suburban lifestyle.

This show is a girl show. A self-delusional girl show.

News flash housewives- people with lucrative, professional careers, who date supermodels, don’t envy your suburban life. Most likely, they started off there, and clawed their way out. They won’t be amazed by being able to buy cashews for cheap- their cashews come in convenient tins at Whole Foods, are imported from exotic locations, are organic, and flavored with spices you’ve never heard of before. They don’t care about cheap nuts because they make twice as much as you. They could just buy you on a whim.

This show is a fantasy that you watch to try to pretend your life isn’t boring. And you’ve wasted valuable time watching it- that was another hour you could have been doing something interesting.

You are all doomed.