Celine Dion Must Be Destroyed

I was just listening to the original version of I Drove All Night– the one you hear all the time on TV because Celine Dion sings it on a car commecial. Originally that song was performed by Cyndi Lauper– who could kick Celine Dion’s ass.

Even though it makes me feel old to say it, I remember when that song first came out. Cyndi is naked in the video, with a film of a spinning car wheel projected on her body. Her hair is bleached power-white with a skunky black tuft in the front.

Cyndi was cool because she was 1980s pop-punk-rock, and she was tough, but still feminine. Even though she was a lot older than other idols (I think she was over 30 when she was really famous in the mid 1980s), she was spunky and cute and cool.

So back to the song. Cyndi’s version is a lot more stylized and husky than the way Celine does it. Celine turns the phrase “to get to you” into an anemic tripletted “to get, to you-” instead of Cyndi’s punky stoccatto of “to! get! to you!”

And much more than simple style is lost in the new version. While Celine just caterwauls the lyrics and sounds like she is singing a car commercial, Cyndi’s version is more earthy and tells a story- she’s overcome with longing in the middle of the night, and drives a great distance to be with her lover.

Cyndi is asking her lover to not be creeped out by this intimidating display of affection, and asks sort of defiantly “is that all right?” Celine just sounds spacey when she says it.