Quokka: it’s what’s for dinner

BRAIN: ok, we’re rebranding guinea pig meat to be more acceptable.  What do we call it?
WILL: short pig
WILL: in honor of the long pig, the best kind of meat
MARK: soy tofu
MARK: wait, no

MARIE: I suggested ‘petite pork’
MARK: qinoa chia combucha kale
MARK: or “qcck” for short
MARIE: not to be confused with quokka
MARIE: our next hipster new meat

BRAIN: this slim jim competitor could be named QUACK ATTACK
MARK: “contains no duck!”
MARK: to make the vegetarians happy
MARIE: “No actual pigs were harmed in the making of this product.”

SCOTT: How would you even get sufficient meat off of a quokka?
MARK: people manage it with squirrels
MARIE: People eat quail
BRAIN: chicken feet
SCOTT: fair enough
SCOTT: apparently quokkas only have a litter size of one and rear the young for over a year

Toast! fwies.

Toast! Ba da-da da da da da-”
“Toes! Dadadda”
“Toast! Ba da-da da da da da-”
“Toes!”
“That’s right, it’s toast!”
“…”
“…”
“fwies.”
“we’re not having fries for breakfast. We’re eating toast.”
“fwies.”
“nope. Toast.”
“…”
“…”
“…fwies.”

First Edition on Smothers Brothers

I just saw First Edition performing on the Smothers Brothers in the late 1960s.

It’s weird not only because they perform like aliens with an imperfect command of human behavior (“MY THREADS ARE GROOVY ARE THEY NOT EARTHM… I MEAN BROTHER. YES GROOVY.”), but also since I grew up in the 1980s, I really only know Kenny Rodgers as a country singer or the guy from a bunch of commercials.

But in the clip – look at this weird constipated look Kenny has… and he’s not the only one. The lady vocalist! The other guy! Gah!

just watch them for 30 seconds from here:

We are the Chosen of Basilisk

BRAIN: I guess people who are so excited about basilisk never really thought about god too hard
WILLIAM: it’s also theoretically possible to test whether or not we’re inside a simulation
WILLIAM: at least, a computer simulation

WILLIAM: there are large scale effects in cosmology that couldn’t be carried out by a computer, similar to how your computer doesn’t render the stuff behind you in a game when you’re not looking at it.
WILLIAM: Brian Greene talks about this in “The Hidden Reality” and puts it a lot better than I could.
WILLIAM: aka if it were a computer doing it it would have to be a computer as large and complex as the actual universe
WILLIAM: anyway I imagine by the time we were able to test and successfully determine we were in a simulation roko’s basilisk would end the simulation
BRAIN: maybe we are in a CoreWar and that would be the point of the simulation

WILLIAM: personally I believe the baby jeebus created the earth 4000 years ago and the singularity will never happen
BRAIN: I believe we are the wrath of an evil god intended to subjugate the entire universe
WILLIAM: The thought of the human race being like the necromongers in chronicles of riddick is so fucking awesome
WILLIAM: a malevolent entity spreading across the cosmos being awesome as shit

BRAIN: it’s a future I can endorse
SCOTT: This also minds me of Philip K Dick’s view of the universe from VALIS
BRAIN: when they did the mirror universe episode of “Star Trek: Enterprise” where it was only the evil humans wrecking the whole universe, I remember a bunch of us going “…why isn’t the whole show like this?”

50 Shades of Steve’s Ghost in the Machine

SCOTT: OS X 10.10’s beta is out
SCOTT: Everyone shoudl install now
Z: I assume this will just prevent JAVA from even being downloaded
SCOTT: One can only hope
F: a sample of Steve Jobs laughing plays at you if you attempt to install Flash.

Z: I assume you activate it with an iphone
Z: or ipad
JOE: I presume it turns a mac into an ipad
F: Of course. Unless you have the iWatch, in which case it just activates as you approach your computer.
Z: with your iTunes account

Z: you walk into the store
Z: and they hand you a computer you didn’t know you needed
F: that they’ve already billed to you.
F: and they place a finger to your lips, shake their head slightly and say “shhh, you always knew”

Soccer vs Blood Bowl

WILL: i really feel like the USA could have sportsed harder today
WILL: that was a decidedly non-sportsy showing
SCOTT: not enough biting

WILL: also soccer, while not as boring as people claim, would be a lot cooler if the players weighed 350 pounds and were running around covered in pads slamming into each other at full speed

JILLIAN: also maybe if they made the ball a little more pointy
SCOTT:and used their hands
SCOTT: and stopped the clock every 2 minutes for 10 minutes or more
SCOTT: that’s not boring at all

WILL: yeah i want to combine the best of both worlds
MARK: rugby?
WILL: constant, fluid action but with more concussions and gladiatorialness
SCOTT: So basically Blood Bowl.
WILL: or the XFL
WILL: also, why the fuck is http://www.slamball.net/ not a more popular sport?

Lana Del Rey’s “Ultraviolence” pt2

BRAIN: so did you listen to the new Lana Del Ray album?
MARIE: it didn’t grab me as much as the first one
MARIE: Born to Die is clearly the best
MARIE: I think the new one and the second one are about on par for me
BRAIN: I think Ultraviolence has a slightly different feel
MARIE: yeah, I’d agree… it feels less distinctly her style, to me
BRAIN: I don’t want her to go the way of Brett Easton Ellis and just become monotonous and irrelevant
BRAIN: I remember when Madonna was reinventing herself around the time of Dick Tracy
BRAIN: that was awkward

MARIE: Hard to imagine LDR reinventing herself
MARIE: there doesn’t seem to be a lot of there there
BRAIN: it would need an entirely new creative team
BRAIN: how do you reinvent a concept without rewriting it entirely?
MARIE: I mean, you could attempt character development
BRAIN: Lana Del Rey… gets a sidekick!
MARIE: Scrappy Doo!