Steps to Success

step one: tell everyone “core” hours are 10-6
step two: wait a few years
step three: tell team there is a meeting at 8 am
step four: break brian’s car
step five: don’t show up to own meeting. Laugh maniacally.

Damn I’m wiped. I took public transportation for the first time to this job to get to a meeting that even the manager who called it was late for. Whee!

Too bad I’m broke; normally I would treat myself to something today.

DGIES: step six: head mounted on a pike as a warning to others

SOWINGS: step seven: profit

DGIES: that’s a different plan

DGIES: 1. steal team’s underpants

DGIES: 2. ???

DGIES: 3. profit!

SOWINGS: maybe step 2 there is “don’t show up to your own meeting”

Grove Street OG

I was looking for an address in Oakland recently, and I realized it was fairly close to where I remember my parents said they lived when they were students in college. So I looked on Google maps and Yahoo maps, trying to find “Grove street,” where I know they lived.

What’s weird is in Palo Alto, we also lived on Grove Avenue. And in GTA: San Andreas, the gang you start out in is called the Grove Street Families. I guess I’m part of the Family.

But what’s weirder- I couldn’t find Grove Street on a map. I found a bunch of businesses though… then I realized that when my parents lived there, it was the late 1960s. Grove Street is now called Martin Luther King Jr Way. The Grove Street Market and the Grove Street Body Shop are both on MLK.

DOC BROWN: You’re not thinking fourth dimensionally Marty!

MARTY MCFLY: Yeah I know, I have a real problem with that.

Our cat Snorkel was from there; she was an older streetwise cat who grew up in the ghetto. She was a bossy mama cat; she actually belonged to a neighbor there who gave her her horrible name (she was a black cat). He got a Dalmatian puppy, and shortly thereafter during a rainstorm Snorkel adopted my parents, scratching at the door and carrying in her new litter of kittens one by one.

They named them Spanky, Sparky, and Spud, and for a long time Spanky lived with my aunt, the remaining cats being given away. Snorkel was definitely the mother type; she was the first cat I knew and she was extremely bossy. If we cried as children, she would meow at us until we stopped, and she would fetch my mom to address whatever it was we were complaining about.

Now when she is long gone and we are grown adults, when we do impressions of her (“you take care of your kids!”) we give her a older, bossy African American accent- she’s a mother from Oakland, the kind of mom you don’t mess around with; if she was a human she’d grab you by your ear while she yells at you. “Yes ma’am.”

All Pop Art

A service which converts your photo into something that looks like either a Warhol or a Lichtenstein print.

It’s a pretty good deal at around $100, but I think if you are at all skilled in Photoshop or Illustrator you could do it yourself!
Web link of note: All Pop Art
(At http://allpopart.com/)

Tara McPherson

We saw some of her prints at APE and they were pretty cool- it was the one called “dream a little dream” (under “Drawings”) where a girl wakes up and a heart-shaped hole has been neatly excised out of her chest, all the way through her torso. If I had a house I would have bought some of her prints! No wall space, you see.

I also like the Decembrists poster with the whale in the sling. Just in case someone wants to buy it for me.
Web link of note: Tara McPherson
(At http://taramcpherson.com/)

Ganoksin

oj forwarded me this:

The Gem and Jewelry World’s Foremost Resource on The Internet

The Ganoksin project provides a variety of quality services for the gem and jewelry community.

Web link of note: Ganoksin
(At http://www.ganoksin.com)

Quantity Assurance

I took my car in to get a little bodywork… I rented a car from Enterprise. They rented me an enormous Mercury, the “Sable.”

It’s completely ridiculous- I can only imagine the size of the usual owners of this car. I feel like I’m in Robotech when they are trying to use the spaceship built for the Zentraedi, who are 50 foot alien giants.

I told one of my coworkers about this car, and he started doing the “Quantity Assurance” voice- once when he was a little preoccupied he referred to QA as Quantity Assurance instead of Quality Assurance. I immediately started doing this big fat person voice, sort of drooling a little-

Well try that button now. It didn’t work? Well, we’ll just pack more features into the product, I’m sure some of them will do something.

So it’s a running gag now, a shorthand for the big fat American sucking at the teat of excess. Consume 4000 calories a day, drive a SUV, live on credit, have no notion of want vs need.

In related news, I explained Peak Oil to the drivers at Enterprise. They sort of got it. Ironically, I think car rental companies would actually benefit from the reduced car ownership that could follow from jacked up oil prices: it’s hard to take the train to a picnic.

The funny thing about the economics of oil is no matter how politicized the facts get, they are still facts. You could make excuses for why oil prices go up, or claim that food prices going up with oil costs is a coincidence, or blame regulation on rising costs of biotech research… but those things will still go up when oil prices rise. And it’s not a coincidence.

Our dependence on oil is amazingly complete- very few elements in our economy could currently survive without it. That is not to say this is impossible- I think almost without exception any industry could be retooled to use less or even no oil. Maybe this will be the next “Organic” stamp- “Made without dependence on Oil.”

Example- Biotech is predicated largely on the cheapness of plastic, sterile plastic for instruments or containers. But we used to use glass. If we rebuilt the glass industry, this would create more local jobs (shipping glass is more expensive) and the glass could be melted down and recycled- currently used plastic is “medical waste” and for the most part is just thrown in landfills.

Yes, there is a point to this- the US Government is our Quantity Assurance manager. The government is essentially motivated to preserve “our way of life”- which includes consuming huge amounts of oil. The emphasis is not on Quality- the efficiency of using oil, like say in public transit systems or in experiments like the biotech glass example I just pulled out of my butt. Quantity. Quantity over Quality.

Tax Day

It’s tax day bitches!

I spoke to a (younger) coworker yesterday- “how much trouble do you really get in if you don’t pay your taxes?” he offhandedly asked. Turns out he hasn’t paid taxes in years.

I told him he should seriously consider paying them someday. Maybe even just take all his forms, etc to the McD’s of tax preparation (hint: big green square) and just shell out. He probably would get a refund.

“He’s not getting a refund” laughed our evil Republican CFO. “He was a contractor all last year!” Our CFO doesn’t believe in issuing 1099’s because “why would I do the government’s job for them?”

Eh… you might well be screwed then. Did I mention our CFO is also a slumlord in San Francisco? Whee!

Right then, another coworker chimes in- he would never pay someone to prepare his taxes, he evangelized, because it’s just filling out some forms! How stupid could you be? Taxes are so easy!

I thought about this for about half a second, and then I remembered this was the same guy who was thinking of processing his own real estate forms and doing without a real estate agent, and also the same guy who DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY.

I mean damn. Why is it so important people agree on this? Just do your taxes. I don’t care how you do it. I pay someone to do mine, but I’m not going to chew someone out because they do their own. Arguing about this is even more ridiculous than trying to convert people to your religion. It’s insane. It’s like working in a clubhouse for little boys!

As it turns out, Young Master Capone didn’t even have his requisite forms from his banks, previous jobs, etc. He just threw them away, figuring they weren’t too important. Sigh. Maybe I’ll bake him a cake with a file in it.