I had a company name. I checked the trademark database and California Secretary of State to make sure the name was unique. Then I queried GoDaddy to see if it was available. I added to my cart, but didn’t buy it. That was a big mistake.

Over the next week, I designed a logo, wrote up trademark registry information, engaged a lawyer, prepared LLC documents, registered for internet sites the company will be using.

Then I notice someone has registered both domains. These are obscure names. Two different squatters (not GoDaddy) had watched the queries and bought them. Now I have to get a new name, hopefully one that matches the logo, and change all the forms and contacts I was writing.

After years of idly wondering what I was remembering, I stumbled onto a detail from a trip I made once in Japan.

I was backpacking in the early 1990s around Aizuwakamatsu, to visit the castle there. Since my trip was planned by the very helpful people at the Tokyo office of the JTB, they had scheduled all kinds of crazy stops whose purpose I had very little idea.

One of the stops was a country home of some national hero, a famous scientist or other. All the signs were in Japanese and I hadn’t heard of him before, but the guides assured me he was very famous!

Now, years later, this turns out to be the childhood home of scientist Noguchi Hideyo, who discovered the cause of syphilis in 1913, and now has his face on the 1000 yen note.

Mystery solved, almost 20 years later!

I dreamt I saw the lost pornographic episode of Captain and Tennille. Most of the episode was them on stage, singing, like they always did, but naked. It was even worse than the show usually was.

Daryl’s penis was very long and he swung it around during the songs while Tennille showed her ass to the camera while on all fours.

Another weird detail in my dream: Tennille was 5′ 11″, and Daryl was 5′ 6″ or something. While I cannot remember Daryl’s exact height, I remember people mentioning Tennille’s… looking up her bio on IMDB, that turns out to be her actual height. Did I just get lucky? Or did somehow I remember that? I don’t remember remembering Tennille’s exact height!

Later in the dream it may have turned out to be a porn spoof of Captain and Tennille, because Tennille was played by Dana DeArmond, who wikipedia says is 5′ 8″.

On Sunday I was walking to meet some people at Indian burrito place “Kasa,” from the Women’s Building where we just had a Scary Cow pitch meeting. It’s about a half mile walk. It was a sunny Sunday, and tons of people were out drinking and having a good time.

About a block away from Kasa I realized I had left my sunglasses at the meeting! I ran back, passing Sara and Susanne on the way. Once I got to the Women’s Building I found my sunglasses… in my pack I had been carrying the whole time.

I ran back. This time about a block from Kasa I saw Sara and Susanne stopped… There was an SUV embedded in Samovar Tea Lounge.

So I had walked by this accident just before and just after it happened! People were milling around in shock at witnessing the accident. All the windows in Samovar were broken, and the police were closing down the street. Susanne said she and Sara had seen a man dive out of the way of the car, and then after the event had ended, they saw a woman who HADN’T jumped clear.

5 people injured, including the girl we saw under the car has a broken pelvis and fractured ribs.

The thing I keep wondering about is: did people finish their tea?

I was just thinking about this yesterday!

From 13 Stripes and 51 Stars: A mathematician figures out the best way to jam an extra star onto the American flag.

Photographer / Filmmaker Aida Daay is driving me, DP Tom Krymkowski, and actor/filmmaker Bryan Reinero around San Francisco, collecting guerilla footage for my feature film I WORK FOR NEMESIS.

As we’re getting off the Bay Bridge on the Fremont exit, this girl RUNS TOWARDS THE CAR and up the ramp, carrying her purse. I say “girl” but really she must have been in her twenties, fashionably dressed.

As Aida takes care not to run her over, we’re thinking uh oh, is she in trouble? Should we call the police?

As she runs to our car we see she has a manic smile and starry eyes… she is feeling no pain, blasted out of her mind likely on some substance or other.

Ramp Girl then runs past us to the next car exiting the freeway… which she climbs to stand on its roof as it slows to not run her over. We speed away!

TOM: What. The. Fuck.
BRYAN: we’ve probably seen that girl’s last day on Earth.
AIDA: (locks doors)

A new trend is raising some eyebrows, or more like, hurting some eyeballs! Doctors say some youngsters are trying out a new drinking game, where they pour vodka right into someone’s eyes. It’s called eyeballing.

BRAIN: I’m unconvinced that “eyeballing” really exists
SHAC: sounds like that stanford band thing
SHAC: “the stunt man?”
BRAIN: what stunt man
BRAIN: oh wait
BRAIN: the drink
BRAIN: what was it again?
SHAC: tequila shot
SHAC: but you squirt the lime in your eye
SHAC: snort the salt
SHAC: then take the shot
BRAIN: that is pretty macho!

UPDATE: Now even Slate has pointed out that this is not real and was started by the Daily Mail. Yet the mainstream news has still picked it up with no supporting evidence and therefore with no investigative reporting! How many other stories have no basis in reality? How about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Vaccinations causing autism? Global warming skeptics? How many news stories do you believe where you haven’t read the original sources?

I was told that to be a good writer, you must write about things that you understand. So I’ve written about being a paranoid spy surrounded by a hopeless bureaucracy of idiots.

BRAIN: so
BRAIN: Dutch boy
BRAIN: in Tripoli
BRAIN: are you seeing the melodrama unfold?
BRAIN: it’s practically a movie of the week already
SAMIR: i have NO idea what you mean
BRAIN: “A safari ends in tragedy for lone crash survivor”
BRAIN: no?
SAMIR: …
SAMIR: no idea
BRAIN: ok
BRAIN: speed summary
BRAIN: major airline crash
BRAIN: in Libya
SAMIR: commercial airline?
BRAIN: yes
BRAIN: most of the people are dead
BRAIN: in fact all of them are dead
SAMIR: k
BRAIN: except one
SAMIR: wow
BRAIN: one single survivor
BRAIN: 9 year old
SAMIR: wow!
BRAIN: he and family were on their way back from a safari in south africa
SAMIR: has anyone heard from Samuel L. Jackson?
BRAIN: as soon as his bones knit he’s going to fight Mr Glass
BRAIN: damn too slow
SAMIR: ha!
SAMIR: yeah, it’s suspicious
BRAIN: hmmmm
BRAIN: he needs more testing!
SAMIR: I think he’ll be enlisted as a superspy
SAMIR: now, THAT should be a reality show
SAMIR: like, he gets paid
SAMIR: but
SAMIR: 24/7 cameras
SAMIR: watching what he does with his life
SAMIR: he’d probably implode under the pressure
BRAIN: WILL he become a hero? or villain?!
SAMIR: exactly!

MAN IN BLACK: Ruben, we have some news about your legs
MAN IN BLACK: we couldn’t save them
MAN IN BLACK: so we replaced them with this power armor
MAN IN BLACK: and jump jets
MAN IN BLACK: thanks to a grant from the US Department of Defense
RUBEN: …
MAN IN BLACK: we also have bad news about your parents. They were killed in the crash.
MAN IN BLACK: Actually everyone was killed in the crash
MAN IN BLACK: And THIS is the man responsible
MAN IN BLACK: R— al-D—- , thought to be an operative of al-Qaeda
MAN IN BLACK: his current wherabouts are believed to be in the Pakistan border
MAN IN BLACK: now we can’t make you do anything
MAN IN BLACK: you’re a free citizen. You can go home with your aunt and uncle
MAN IN BLACK: try to rebuild your life
MAN IN BLACK: or -
MAN IN BLACK: you could join us
MAN IN BLACK: we’d make you a citizen of the United States of America

DON LA FONTAINE: COMING THIS FALL
DON LA FONTAINE: FOLLOW THE STORY
DON LA FONTAINE: of ONE BOY
DON LA FONTAINE: “AIRPLANE SURVIVOR VIGILANTE”