Thank goodness someone came up with this– it’s an idea that’s been in my brain for a decade.

I’m so glad I don’t have to invent it now!

OJ: hey what is that japanese New Years lucky bag word?
BRAIN: lucky bag word?!
OJ: nevermind google search helped me
OJ: fukubukuro

Fukubukuro, or “Mystery Bag,” is a Japanese New Year’s Day tradition during which merchants sell sealed bags of various items at a substantial discount, often as high as 50%. Shoppers may get some great deals on the contents of these bags - even if they don’t know what exactly they’re buying.

BRAIN: oh right
BRAIN: like a grab bag
OJ: yeah
BRAIN: we have that at Obon
BRAIN: except since it’s so americanized I never knew the japanese name for it… (plus I hadn’t done it for new years)
OJ: there is something in singapore called a “lucky dip”
OJ: which is a raffle thing
OJ: you buy a ticket (5 or 50 or whatever dollars), get a draw and a number

OJ: Japan celebrates NY on 1/1 correct?
BRAIN: yes
BRAIN: you have to clean your house
BRAIN: and have friends over
BRAIN: with a lot of food available
BRAIN: generally there’s some enka awards on TV

OJ: interesting, so similar to some of the chinese traditions for lunar new year
BRAIN: what happens for that?
OJ: lots of diff traditions depending on rural village
OJ: common ones include: big meal, or vegetarian meal
OJ: clean house
OJ: pay off debts
OJ: eat oranges or pineapples (pun on words)
OJ: “lucky money” / “red envelopes” from married people to kids (nieces/nephews also)

BRAIN: related: I found out recently what you do with your daruma after the eyes are filled in - you burn it at the temple at the end of the year
OJ: oh… interesting
OJ: i want a Hello Kitty daruma but i won’t fill it in or burn it
OJ: unless hmm, i had extras
BRAIN: so what, she’d just be eyeless forever?
OJ: yah
BRAIN: so so sad
OJ: well u fill in one eye?
OJ: or you hae one with both, but don’t make a wish
BRAIN: what!
BRAIN: a free ride for HK daruma?!
BRAIN: wtf, that’s even worse!
BRAIN: you commie!

Halfway through I’m at Macy’s and there’s a ton of people made up like the Neanderthals from the GEICO commercials. They stay in character, just going about their business shopping (I can’t recall any clerks who were Neanderthal-Americans), and occasionally being loud about being discriminated against in a Cro-Magnon-centric world. Although I don’t think we’re supposed to use that phrase anymore.

The phenomenon is so awesome it’s hard not to giggle constantly. I tweet that it’s happening (I used Twitter in my dream about GEICO!!), before talking to an elderly woman in a wheelchair, being pushed by a relation. They are both Neanderthals. I both play along and try to get her to break character, making a comment about picking up something with her feet — I’m not sure if she’s turning into a chimp, or I’m just stupid, or if I’m baiting her deliberately — she almost breaks character but does not.

Later my friend Jackie and I sneak into a big party on the roof of a hotel downtown… it turns out to be Tom Hanks’ birthday party, and Richard Branson is there with a cloned triceratops.

Tom Hanks is sitting with a friend at a small table while everyone comes up and wishes him happy birthday (he looks young!), and when I do, he seems to mistake me for someone else because he thinks we may have met before. Either we actually have met before and I’m fuzzy on it or I capitalize on his confusion, because I give him one of my MOO cards with the little weird images from my films on it.

LATER as I’m awake, I realize the GEICO mascots aren’t actually Neanderthals, they are early modern humans, just “cavemen.”

SUMMARY:
Roomites: there is nothing remarkable about this particular bad movie. You are just revealing your own sparse cultural exposure.

“The Room” is a real bad movie. It now has a hipster following that are amazed that a bad movie exists. There are heavily-attended screenings of this movie. They have DISCOVERED THE BAD MOVIE. Congratulations!

it’s not that I don’t go see bad movies, or even revel in them - the annoying part is the notion that this movie is somehow special. Where were these jerks when the grindhouse movie theaters were shutting down? The UC Theater?

They are dilettantes. Fuck them in the eye.

At some point, someone will tell you about The Room! And how it’s so bad! You have to see it! I lost count a while ago.

Hey: there are lots of obscure movies you should see, young thing. Actual good movies deserving of your evangelism! and great “bad” ones like “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!” Decades of cinema, waiting to be seen… but you likely won’t, because all your retarded friends won’t be doing it. So go get an ironic tattoo of a kanji you can’t read and get out of my face. Or write me a check.

U.S. Military Weapons Inscribed With Secret ‘Jesus’ Bible Codes

Pentagon Supplier for Rifle Sights Says It Has ‘Always’ Added New Testament References

Coded references to New Testament Bible passages about Jesus Christ are inscribed on high-powered rifle sights provided to the United States military by a Michigan company, an ABC News investigation has found.

The sights are used by U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan and in the training of Iraqi and Afghan soldiers. The maker of the sights, Trijicon, has a $660 million multi-year contract to provide up to 800,000 sights to the Marine Corps, and additional contracts to provide sights to the U.S. Army.

U.S. military rules specifically prohibit the proselytizing of any religion in Iraq or Afghanistan and were drawn up in order to prevent criticism that the U.S. was embarked on a religious “Crusade” in its war against al Qaeda and Iraqi insurgents.

…

“It’s wrong, it violates the Constitution, it violates a number of federal laws,” said Michael “Mikey” Weinstein of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, an advocacy group that seeks to preserve the separation of church and state in the military.

“It allows the Mujahedeen, the Taliban, al Qaeda and the insurrectionists and jihadists to claim they’re being shot by Jesus rifles,” he said.

Weinstein, an attorney and former Air Force officer, said many members of his group who currently serve in the military have complained about the markings on the sights. He also claims they’ve told him that commanders have referred to weapons with the sights as “spiritually transformed firearm[s] of Jesus Christ.”

He said coded biblical inscriptions play into the hands of “those who are calling this a Crusade.”

Man, these guys. Good work exposing our military to lawsuit Trijicon! This is in addition of the obvious violation of the Bill of Rights. And giving ammo to Islamic “hey stop invading us” countries. They so crazy.

This is what makes me disbelieve conspiracy theories about 9/11 being planned by reactionaries: reactionaries in general are so fucking stupid, they endanger their own interests on a routine basis– they’d NEVER be able to pull something off without screwing themselves.

A couple days ago Diane and I came back from the gym, early in the morning before I went to work. On the way in I ran over a hose left in the driveway… we checked it and it was not crushed. But that was weird, why was the hose in the driveway? Looking at the other hose, we saw it was on, and a torrent of water was running into the garden. The bush where the water was running was soaked– it had been running for a while.

This was bad - neither of us could remember turning the hose on for the past few days, even weeks. No one had visited us for at least a week. The only conclusion was that someone had walked into our yard and turned on the hose. To mess with us maybe? Either that or… GHOSTS!!!

Trying not to freak out, we put aside our concerns about hauntings. Someone had been skulking around our house, and our water bill was bound to be astronomical. We called the police.

When the police got back to us shortly after, the officer reassured us.

OFFICER: I already know who it is. There’s this “street personality,” David, who has a thing with water. If he sees a hose or something, he’ll hose down your porch, or wash your car, water your plants… if you left a broom out he probably would have swept the driveway.
DIANE: if I have the gate closed, will he come in?
OFFICER: No, and it’s just if he sees your hose. You can get rid of him; one of your neighbors told him to go away and he never came back.

This seemed to fit - I remember a few days before Diane had left her car under the carport and for some reason she had rinsed it off, on a day that was raining. I thought it was weird at the time, but thought nothing of it…

So, a couple of observations here:

Somehow, it feels less scary if it’s a crazy homeless person who is compelled to water lawns, than if it’s a random, unknown person.

Also, there’s something kind of goblin-ish about David. It feels like a tomte or domovoi or something, complete with incantation to offend/make him go away.

Anyway we’re keeping the gate closed now.

BRIAN: Everlasting Gobstoppers would be a terrible product, unless they were on a lease-only payment plan
KATHERINE: Why is that?
SEAN: Because Katharine, if they last forever then soon everyone will have one and then there will be no need to buy anymore.
KATHERINE: But that’s the point so the poor can have candy everyday too! And it’s good for denists!
SEAN: But it’s not good for the person who made the candy.
KATHERINE: He can be a denist!
BRIAN: You guys need to take this act on the road

My cousins crack me up.

David Mamet’s people speak so weirdly… lots of speeches! Lots of repeating what the other person just said! Interrupting at improbable opportunities, sitting patiently at even more improbable moments. False courtesy.

It is the finding of this court that you are so stupid that you are a hazard to yourself and those around you, and that you will be bricked up in a wall until you starve to death, at which point the wall will be toppled onto your teacher. Before being crushed by a wall, Professor, your mouth will be sewn shut. THIS I COMMAND!!

Watching Julia Stiles in the Bourne movies - I was noticing how she definitely plays a type.

Julia Styles’ brand, the character she tends to play, is educated, intelligent. A little bit prissy, a little bossy and arrogant. She is naturally very pale white, her hair is generally a sandy light brown. Her dark serious eyes make her cute and girl-next-door without being cheap. In short she is the bitchy smart princess you wanted to fuck in high school but were too scared. The girl you DO take home to mother.

Stiles presents as a stereotype of “culture.” She has been in a bunch of “updated Shakespeare” movies: “O” (Othello), “Hamlet,” and “10 Things I Hate About You” (Taming of the Shrew). Since she really did grow up in New York and attended an arts academy, perhaps this is just typecasting based on her real personality.

Stiles as a type ends up being a good foil for the “clash of cultures” movie. If they were to remake “Breakin’,” Julia Stiles would be the ballet dancer. She’s also the girl the hero makes cry and then feels bad about it. Check out the second Jason Bourne movie.

Is it because she is pale white and has an all-American look compatible with the white monolithic culture? Maybe she could run for office? With her urban sensibilities and safe lily-white persona, she might be able to woo both sides of the political spectrum. At the moment I would wager flyover states would think she’s stuck up… but a few more movies with Julia crying ought to fix that.